I (almost) got robbed!
F*ck playing it safe. And definitely f*ck playing it cool. I’m not one to cuss. But, there's just no such thing as getting the rejection “out of the way” or protecting ourselves from the crushing disappointments on our paths. I’ve been having a hard time with this lately, so I’m writing because I’m hoping what I’m working on may help you and what you’re working on.
If you’ve followed the newsletter, you know that my work went up in a gallery in downtown St. Paul, Minnesota. To be clear, I submitted the piece because I was operating under the belief that I could get the rejection out of the way, but then I didn't get rejected. Yesterday, I went and saw my work hanging in the gallery. You’d think that I would be thrilled, right? That I would celebrate. That my heart would swell a little bit with this win. But, mostly, none of that happened. I was stressed in traffic. I drove a little aggressively. I forgot to turn the car off when I parked. I remembered to take pictures for the ‘gram (because marketing matters). I went in and slowly made my way to the piece. In talking about it, I pointed out that I wished it had been centered a little differently. I wished that it wasn't in the back of the gallery. I talked about how I wished I had submitted a different piece and why I wasn't sure why I hadn't. I reluctantly got my picture taken in front of my work and then I left and went on with my Saturday- impatient in traffic, a bit absent-minded, and rather quiet.
What the f*ck, you guys? I missed my moment. I missed my chance to say “Hooray” or “Yipee” or “I’m doing it” or “It’s happening!” If those exclamations sound a little corny, it's because I’m not the only person having this problem. Our culture- and thus our used language- isn't set up to do joy- especially not joy on a hot Saturday afternoon when people are running errands or whatever.
But here's the good news: it's not too late. I can start celebrating anytime. Actually, I'll start right now! Friends, I DID IT! I’m in a gallery! Me! My art! In a gallery! In a capital city of 300,000 people! And this gallery is a prominent stop in an art festival this coming weekend. I’m SO happy and relieved! And scared.
The thing is, it's not going to hurt any less when I submit a piece to a different show or different gallery and it gets rejected because I didn't get too excited this time. If anything, having some joy now will give me energy for those failures that will surely come. But y’all, I’m so scared. I don't want to fail. I can't fail. Not even one more time along the way.
Sound realistic? Not really. Sound like you? Sound like pretty much everyone? Write to me. Comment on this post. Tell me what it's like. And then, tell me what you have to celebrate- your small, medium, or big success. It's going to give you the energy you need to keep going.