Got Big Emotions? Learn the KEY to tackle those Big Feels

At the risk of tooting my own horn, I’ll start by saying that I know that my newsletters are chock-full of nuggets of wisdom. That wisdom comes from decades of trial and error, a great deal of suffering and years of coaching support. And, I know that so much of what I write about seems so damn simple. This week I'm coming at you with a doozy. It's a straight-up gem. And it is very simple. But, it's not that easy! (And, you might not even like it! Ready for it? Read on!)

Here's the thing, reader, I actually just want you to feel all your feelings. Don't ignore the ugly, messy, sticky ones. Don’t shush them, hide them or deny them. I mean it. Give yourself permission to feel them. Really feel them. Why? When we feel uncomfortable feelings, it's natural for us to want to get rid of them. But, the only way to the other side of our big emotions is through our big emotions. The more we stuff them, the more we create problems for ourselves or delay our healing.

That all sounds simple. But, as you already know, sitting with our tough emotions is HARD. “Just feeling our feelings” can be a bummer. It can quickly drain our energy. It can spiral into an overabundance of negative self-talk or anxiety and depression. It's important, even crucial, to balance things out. It is critical to give yourself time and space to recover from those big emotions. All of that takes skill in giving yourself permission, which I think of as being vulnerable with yourself. (I know…this does not sound all that appealing, right? Stick with me.)

Now, when I say recovery, I don't just mean quietly resting alone or doing self-care, although there is a time and place for that. What I mean by “recovery” is about enjoying your life as much as you possibly can, even in the midst of all the hard, big emotions. It looks like making time to connect with a friend or doing that thing you’ve been wanting to do. Celebrate the fact that you're doing this challenging work, especially in a culture that doesn't value it. Go outside. Listen to nature. Breathe in the Spring air. Splurge on some special produce. Listen to your favorite songs really loud. Write poetry, play an instrument, create “bad” art, be silly. Do your favorite things with your favorite person: YOU.

Here’s a coaching assignment for you, reader: First, set a time for 10 minutes. Ask yourself what you're feeling. Jot those feelings down, along with any thoughts that are connected to those feelings. Write without editing and without any self-judgments, only what comes up for you. Allow yourself to name and feel those feelings for whatever portion of those 10 minutes is left. Then, email me. Let me know what's going on with you. After that? Go do something that lights you up, fuels you and brings you a sense of enjoyment. I promise you that as you practice this, the things you do for yourself that delight you, will give you more and more positive energy. String enough of those enjoyable moments together and you’re on your way to making some significant changes for yourself (even when life is uncertain, even when you are afraid and yes, even when there is political unrest). 

If you need more support, I’m just an email or phone call away.

We've a got a plan-